


The Epidemic

by eringilbert



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Ficlet, Humor, M/M, tbh azira/crowley is background but oh well
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-13
Updated: 2018-10-13
Packaged: 2019-08-01 07:11:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16280021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eringilbert/pseuds/eringilbert
Summary: Crowley makes a joke and suddenly the world goes to hell.





	The Epidemic

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry for this

Crowley messed up this time. Badly.

Despite being known for creating chaos, this was perhaps the only time he did not mean to start something. It just started as a joke, a little throwaway gag thrown at Aziraphale that he would probably forget in a day’s time. He should’ve remembered that he’s a demon, a harbinger of distress, someone that should not just throw out jokes like he did. They would always come back to bite him square in the ass. They always do. This one in particular came back with not just a bite in the ass, but the entire consumption of his body. Does that make sense? He sure hoped it did, because that’s the best he could describe how he felt.

The only thing that was on the telly were the news reports. News reports about the mysterious epidemic sweeping the entire world. Scientists had no idea where it started, who Patient Zero could have been. In fact, many of the top scientists studying the virus were suddenly and inexplicably infected themselves. Despite this, it was a miracle that it only affected adults, as the symptoms themselves were unlike anyone had ever seen; those who became infected had an impossibly high sex drive, and there seemed to be no cure other than to-

_Ring ring!_

Crowley heard his phone ringing from the small coffee table. He slowly picked it up and muttered a small “Hello?”

“So you ARE responsible for this!” Shit, it was Anathema.

“Listen, it was a mistake!” Crowley pleaded through the phone.

Anathema was far from convinced. “Crowley, you’re a demon,” she said, “you know your capabilities. You can’t just fucking-”

“I know, I know! I shouldn’t have opened my mouth,” he said. “It all started off as a joke. Azira was being awfully pesky during dinner last night, so I told him that he was developing a case of.” Suddenly, his throat began to close up slightly at the thought of the name. He sure as hell hoped that angels weren’t able to catch it, as Aziraphale reluctantly decided to help get rid of the damned disease.

He could hear her breathing. It was an angry and pissed off kind of breathing. The one a young lad would hear emit from his mother after he confessed to stealing some of her money. “Ligma,” he finally said. “I told him that he was developing a case of ligma, and when he did not find it funny, I said that it was going around all over the world.”

Anathema sighed, then hung up the phone.


End file.
